The Tunnel Drive Prediction Run Conspiracy

by | Aug 26, 2006 | News Articles

Gary’s Diary #5 of 2006
The Tunnel Drive Prediction Run Conspiracy
Event Date: Saturday, August 26, 2006

The truly amazing thing about the Tunnel Drive “Predict” is that I made it there on time. This is noteworthy since I had such a long drive to make. (Webmaster note: The Gar’ only had a drive of 3 to 4 miles.) But I was on a mission. And, as always, focus and determination paid off, as I traversed the many miles from home to the start in time for the race.

Paid off, barely. That’s because, after pulling into the parking lot, I spent triathlon transition-like time dawdling while swigging magic elixir and removing the second layer of clothing worn to keep me warm on the long drive, and then had to chug up the highway to the paved road about 50-70 yards away with about 5 minutes to spare. Because rain had left the original through-the-woods dirt course start in unrunable condition, race officials opted to use the paved road to the north as an alternate starting point. By the way, isn’t “unrunable” a cool made-up word? Sort of rolls off the tongue smoothly and effortlessly but with a wallop, like a good hearty spit.

Whatever. Race officials also had to shorten the course since Tunnel Drive suffered rock and mud slides when torrential rains hit Canon City Friday evening. The shortened turnaround spot, they said, made the out-and-back course 3 and a half miles long instead of the planned 5. Right away that put me in a positive mood, knowing that the pain wouldn’t last as long. “You see, there IS a Santa Claus,” I thought.

But upon hearing my finish time of 33 minutes flat after predicting 30:30, I knew something was fishy. If that course was 3 and a half miles long, I’m John Karr. No way did I run as slow as I have all year!

This race proves that the Hadleys, the race directors for the Tunnel Drive “Predict,” are part of the conspiracy that I have faced throughout 2006. With the exception of the Ordinary Mortals run course, where my slowness of feet occurred when I turned into a baked body bag in motion, every course I have raced this year has been long. Most have been long by a reasonable amount, but this one was off the charts, as they say. I believe Rich and Deb Hadley told course marshal Phil Quattlebaum, who was at the turnaround, to “just go out there wherever you want and no one will know the difference.” He did.

Anybody see a Jones Counter out there? Get serious. Any chance to measure the course with a bike? Not a chance. By car? No way, Jose.

This is no riddle wrapped in an enigma. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you! And everyone’s in on it.

Shoot, even the drive home was longer than the trip to the race.

Talk to ya again soon!